The park is empty. Nothing disrupts the silence but the rustling of leaves crowding for a taste of sky. Sunlight sneaks through the trees and dapples my skin and the ground. I rollerblade my way up to the highest point of the sidewalk path on the hill that hugs the park. You know it will be a good day when you seek out the highest spot. Not because you want to look down on the world, but because you see that the world is lifting you up. I look for the right song. It has to be perfect. I made plans to fly today and wings will only catch the wind with the perfect song.
Got it. "Hunnie Pie" by Zella Day.
I don't know the lyrics to many songs but I can tell you how they make me feel. What kind of movie scene pops in my head. I don't know much, but I do know feelings.
I wait for the chorus before I take off down the hill.
"Sweet hunnie pie, this ain't goodbye.
It's not over
Come on and close your eyes
What's it gonna take to feel my love?
What's it gonna take to feel my love?"
Those last lines echo in my ears as I close my eyes, spread out my arms (wings) until I am caught by the wind and fly. I am gone and yet, more here than I was before. What's it gonna take to feel my love?
That feeling I just described, of being overwhelmed with meaning and feeling that you are made anew is also contained inside the power of words.
WHO AM I?
Hello! My name is Jennifer Xia. I'm 19 as I'm writing this. I'm lactose intolerant, but that's pretty much irrelevant because I don't let that stop me from devouring spoonfuls of ice cream with pure rebellious delight. I love writing cheesy letters and long ass paragraphs that have the power to flare up my own lactose intolerance. If I see a dog in public, I will unapologetically gasp and stare and proceed to make their owners uncomfortable. I'm a journalism major minoring in business. But I'm particularly proud of my certification in taking four hour naps and screwing up my sleep schedule. I also pour my milk first and will happily give you my argument if you give me the chance before signing me off as a complete psychopath.
I figured that a proper introduction would be to write you something that encapsulated a part of me, for to read my words is to know me.
As a kid, I was an avid reader. During the summer, I would check out the maximum 15 books at a time and never went anywhere without one in hand. At the dinner table. Out in public. Even in the bathroom. I remember sitting in the booth of a Whataburger with my dad and a kind, old lady asked how he got me to read. I was often re-reading the same books. From Calvin and Hobbes comic books to Nancy Drew to A Dog's Life by Ann M. Martin. Books were full of feelings.
"For to read my words is to know me."
How does all this nostalgic childhood information matter? Well, everything I read got me to who I am today as a writer and as a person. I wrote my own unfinished attempts at books when I was younger. One fantasy novel involving wizardry and another indulgent romance novel with a stereotypical dreamy boy who saw beauty in a girl largely gone unnoticed. I'm still constantly trying to find my own voice and what I want to write about.
WHY AM I HERE?
I've had many blogs in my lifetime and each have looked so different. I'm constantly rebuilding my "brand" because I am constantly changing. I've love colors. I've love the minimalist look. But what has remained the same is my hope to inspire compassion and understanding with my writing. And maybe you can find something in yourself with my words.
This is for me. But it can also be for you. And I think that's pretty darn cool.
WHAT CAN YOU EXPECT TO FIND HERE?
Well, I can't promise that I won't change. In fact, I hope I do. But I'm here to share my thoughts, creative writing, and journalistic writing and work. I'll have more personal thoughts in these blog entries reflecting on life and I can hopefully impart some advice to make going through this crazy life just a little less confusing.
I love being that mom friend despite looking like a 14-year-old on a good day. I'm still learning new things about myself and other people every day. For years, I had shielded myself from digging deep into the intricacies that I'm made of and this had created a safe, but disconnected, numb life. And that's the worst. To deny yourself from what this world is all about. Joy and pain. Wonder and helplessness. Peace and chaos. There's a strange comfort in numbness, but not a whole lot of happiness. Because, I don't know much, but I do know feelings.
Anyway come along with me for the ride that is going through college and figuring out how to adult, and all the fun, messy stuff in between. Thanks for reading and if you happen to stay or are just stopping by, thanks for being here.
Until next time, take care.
Love,
Jenn
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